Always In My Heart
by Lost1n7heDark
Summary: Just so you're all aware, this is the ORIGINAL story. Some user called "i'm ess" or whatever copied and pasted it as their own. Much thanks to Electra126 for making me aware of this. Complete.
1. Chapter 1

**Trying something a little new. This whole thing is between Dawn and Faith, but you'll catch on the F/B easy. You'll have to read the next chapter to see where this is going.**

**Review, please.**

"Wait, you're leaving? But...but you can't!"

Faith sighs and turns from her duffel bag.

"Dawn. Squirt. I love you, kid, but you know what I **can't** do?" She brushes an impatient hand through her hair.

"I can't do this...this bullshit anymore. God knows I love you guys. All of you, but everybody knows I've waited long enough and I can't live like this anymore. I'm done waiting, and I'm done-" She flings her arms out and lets them fall against her legs with a slap.

"-living in her fucking shadow." Picking up her bag, she grabs her jacket and kisses Dawn on the forehead lightly.

"Believe me, Bitesize. They won't even notice that I'm gone."

"They will, Faith. They will, they've just been-"

"Busy?" She laughs.

"Christ, if that was the truth, they've 'been busy' ever since the day I met them."

"But you love them." Dawn protests.

"I do."

"You love **her**." The younger Summers whispers. Faith can only reveal a grim smile, but says nothing.

Gazing about the empty room, watching the L.A. sun slowly set over the horizon from her dirty window, she reaches for the handle and opened the door. Turning back slightly, she lets her eyes linger on Dawn for a moment.

"Take care of yourself, Dawn. I told you that you wouldn't need me forever. That I wasn't forever. But you'll be okay now. I made sure you would be before I left."

Dawn makes a small whimper in the back of her throat.

"You'll write?"

"Only to you, Squirt." With that, Faith leaves Dawn standing there, eyes brimming with tears and searching hopelessly at the door.

"Bye, Faith."

Then Dawn leaves.


	2. Chapter 2

**And so here's chapter 2. Enjoy and review. If you like, I continue. If you don't, well, I'll continue anyways.**

**So review, anyways.**

The first letter arrives in 2 months.

"You've got mail, Dawnie. No return address, though." Xander hands her the letter. Dawn snatches it hurriedly, ignoring the looks that they all give her. She opens it a little, and peers inside.

Stained napkins. It smells of alcohol and smoke. Maybe a little bit of blood, too.

"Who's it from?" Buffy asks.

Dawn grunts and ignores the new questioning looks as she runs up the stairs of their new house.

It was a house. It was theirs. But it wasn't a home. It would never be home.

She clambers onto her bed and pulls out the fibers gently. Her nose scrunches up. She'd been right.

Beer. Cigarettes.

Blood.

* * *

_Dear Dawn,_

_I don't know where I am. I doubt I'd tell you, even if I knew._

_I mean, hell, I'm writing this down on napkins while I wait for the 7th fucking beer and wonder if she's noticed that I'm gone. I wonder, even though I know I'll never know. _

_I'm also wondering when this is gonna get to you. It's been a month or something like that. I've been living on and off the damn buses of America and spending my nights in bars like this one. I could tell you that it's not so bad, Dawn, but I'd be lying. It's shit. But somehow, it's better than where I was before. Isn't that weird? I had four walls, a covered floor and a roof over my head. Three meals a fucking day, kind of sort of friends who didn't hate me all that much or want to kill me...much. I even had better people around, like Angel, and you. But I'd rather be here. _

_I'd rather be living in the filth, 'cause those kind of sort of friends I was talking about? This is where they've always imagined me ending up. Wasting in away in some shithole of a bar or in prison. _

_Tell me, Squirt, really. Have they noticed? _

(Dawn bites her lip. They haven't.)

_Do any of them even ask? _

(No, they don't.)

_God knows you're the only one who ever bothered to visit. Other than Giles, who came only when the Scoobs desperately needed my fucking help again. When the others had their asses stuck so far up their heads they couldn't even bother to ask me personally. They had to send the retired Watcher to do it. Well fuck it._

_I'm done being used. _

_Anyways, I'm on my 10th now, kiddo, and there are no more clean napkins in sight. _

_Always in my heart,_

(Always in hers, too.)

_Faith_

_P.S. Don't worry, it's my blood. Got into a scuffle earlier with some nasty fucker. Wearing a couple rings, I think. Cut my fucking lip._

_P.P.S. He's dead._


	3. Chapter 3

**So far, the reviewers say they like it. So I'll continue with it. Keep reviewing!**

The second letter comes sometime during the next month.

"Mail, Dawn!" Buffy calls up to her.

Dawn knows. She reaches for it and takes it away before they can say a word.

"What's wrong with her?" Xander mouths to them. Willow shrugs, and Buffy frowns. Giles continues to read.

And Kennedy comes in with a bag of groceries.

"A little help here!"

They rush to help her and forget about it.

* * *

_Dear Dawn,_

_I know my handwriting fucking sucks, and so does this crappy ass motel pen, but I'm trying to write whenever I can. I crossed out the hotel logo, so you wouldn't try to find me. Don't bother trying, I really crossed the hell out of them. _

(Dawn knew. She already tried.)

_It's been another few weeks, and I start to think this is all I've got left. Bar-hopping, partying, and Slaying. That's it. That's all I am now. _

_I know, I know. It sounds like another Faith pity-poor-me routine. But it's not so bad. I guess I'm not lying so much this time. It gets a little lonely, Squirt, and sometimes I lie in bed thinking about calling you or Angel. Or calling headquarters when you're all out just so I can hear her voice on the answering machine. You know, that stupid little prissy voice she used cause you two got into a fight over the phone? _

_"You've reached Buffy Summers. I'm not here right now, or I just don't want to talk to you, so leave a message and I might get back to you."_

(There's a bout of giggles before she continues.)

_I'm sure you've changed it by now. It's been months. But I won't forget it. 'Cause that's the last time I ever got to talk to her again. I doubt she remembers. _

(Dawn doubts it, too.)

_But anyways. How've you been holding up, Squirt? Scoobs treating you like a grown up now? Any new boyfriends? I know you can't respond to me, but just write it out sometime and you can pretend I'm really there. You know me well enough to think up how I'd answer you. We've talked too many times for you either of us to forget. I miss taking you out to have some fun. I don't know how she could stand not taking you out, partying it up, teaching you all the essential shit of growing up. But I guess it's different when you're really related. I guess she wanted to keep you young and innocent forever. I bet she still does._

(She nods.)

_We all know better. At least I do. I know you're not a little kid. You're almost legal, for God's sake. Just remember there are responsibilities to it all. I'll list ten, and this is all worldly knowledge, so don't you lose it._

(There was no way she would. She already has a box for future letters.)

_1. __Always__ use a condom._

_2. Take as much as you can get without having to pay._

_3. Don't let people see your weaknesses._

_4. Always carry a hundred bucks worth of twenties in the linings of your sock when you go out._

_5. Always carry a lighter and a knife. Big or small, it doesn't matter._

_6. Keep your cellphone on vibrate._

_7. Unless you know them, never bring a one night stander to your house. Always suggest going to theirs._

_8. Don't chew gum. Smoke, instead._

(Isn't that a little backwards, she thinks.)

_9. When all else fails, run._

_10. When they finally catch up to you, play dead._

_Always in my heart,_

_Faith_


	4. Chapter 4

**Thanks for the reviews! I know it's a little trying on the patience, cause everybody wants Buffy and the Scoobs to finally figure it out, but you gotta wait a little; I'm just trying to "build the story". So WAIT! It'll be here in two or three chapters, I promise.  
**

**On other note, yes, it does seem like Faith feels sorry for herself, but it IS her letters. It's how she's feeling, and Faith tends to be a little self-oriented at times. It runs amongst Slayers, right? Right. **

**And it IS Faith/Buffy. Mostly you see how much Faith is obsessing over Buffy (right now). But sometime it'll be reciprocated. Be patient with me; I like to really get into my stories. Never was too fond of the ones that are quick. I need the buildup, and I'll write the buildup.**

**That's my response to the feedback, review some more and I'll definitely answer any questions, etc. And it'll get me to update faster.**

4 months.

Dawn feels it's been forever. And eventually, she stops anticipating.

She checks the mail today, idly shuffling through the subscriptions, the bills, the rebates for her housemates. Then she sees the postcard. Setting the other mail on the counter, she picks it out and glances at the picture.

"Who do you know from Florida?" Buffy asks, seeing the postmark while deciphering between her mail and the others'.

"Old friend." Dawn replies, turning the beach-y picture over and reading the scrawl on the back.

Next letter coming soon.

Always in my heart.

"Always in my heart? Cheesy." Buffy teases.

Dawn scowls.

"Who's the new boyfriend?" Willow asks. Dawn shakes her head and mutters about insensitive roommates and needing an apartment of her own.

* * *

Two days later, it arrives.

"Dawn, that letter from your secret lover is here!" Xander shouts. He walks into the kitchen holding the letter high in the air, waving it about.

Dawn drops her fork and yanks it away from him before running up the stairs.

Xander blinks.

"You're sure she's not a Slayer, Buff? She moved so fast I hardly even saw her!"

"Anyone would be too fast for you, Xander." Kennedy quips, while helping herself to Dawn's unfinished eggs.

"Agreed." Buffy states. Willow just shrugs.

Dawn jumps on her bed, and tears it open. She can smell saltwater.

She lifts out the paper.

At the bottom of the envelope, there is a fistful of white beach sand and a small shell.

* * *

_Dear Dawn,_

_It's been a long fucking time, I know. _

(No fucking kidding.)

_But in my defense, it takes a long fucking time to travel from one side of the U.S. to the other. And as I'm sure everybody could see, I'm in a place even sunnier than Sunnydale. Sunshine state; Florida._

_I don't know why, I just suddenly wondered one day if there's a difference between the Pacific and the Atlantic. I thought I'd see it for myself. Give myself something to do to kill time. _

_Want me to tell you something?_

(She's sure she'll be told anyways.)

_It's fucking beautiful out here._

_No matter where you are, Squirt, watching the sunrise and the sunset will never fail to be beautiful. It's peaceful and quiet, except for the waves crashing, and the normal people having fun. But that's alright. It's only natural. _

_I'm trying to fit in, so the leathers are all in the bag, and right now I'm sunbathing in my underwear. Never had much time for swimming, and I don't plan to buy a swimsuit now, so bra and panties seemed like a good idea. And it is. That's all a swimsuit is, anyway. So here I am, lying in the sun, writing to you and trying not to get sand in my eyes. And trying to remember all the things that have happened since I last wrote you. I think things had stayed the same. I roamed. I still roam. I drank. I still drink. I fucked around. I still fuck around. And I'm still running. But now, I don't really know what from. It was her. I thought it was all her. But I guess it's not. _

(Thank God, she thinks.)

_Last letter, four months ago, I told you it was a little lonely. And it is. But I figured it out. _

_I ran because I didn't want to be lonely. _

_Because being lonely in a world full of strangers is a hell of a lot different than being lonely in a room full of people who are supposed to be your friends. And Dawn, I felt lonely all the time. It hurts a lot worse when they're supposed to fill that empty space but don't. Because out here, I don't expect nobody to. I expected __them__ to, but I don't expect anybody else to. _

_I guess I expected too much._

_Always in my heart,_

_Faith_

(Dawn doesn't thank God anymore.)


	5. Chapter 5

**This one's short, I'm sorry. But I'll update super soon if I get enough reviews! Thanks to everybody who reviewed, btw. Much love.**

Letter number four came in three weeks later.

"Another one? Who the hell is this guy?" Kennedy shakes her head as she throws the envelope at Dawn.

"No return address? Still? You mean you get letters from someone you don't even write back to?" Buffy gives her a look of dismay.

"Pretty suspicious, if you ask me." Kennedy says nonchalantly.

Dawn glowers.

"Nobody's asking you."

She runs up the stairs, like she does with every single letter, taking two steps at a time.

* * *

_Dear Dawn,_

(Dawn can't read any of it. Lines and scribbles and doodles and bloodstains. That's all. She scans over for legibility. The whole body paragraph is illegible until the end.)

_Always in my heart,_

(She sighs through her tears, in relief. She's pretty sure that's what it says, and feels a little better.)

_Faith_

(It means Faith hasn't given up just yet.)

* * *

The fifth letter was exactly the same.

* * *

_Dear Dawn,_

(Dawn still can't read it. The lines are smeared and blurred with liquor and more bloodstains.)

_Always in my heart,_

(It's always there.)

_Faith_

(She's still alive.)

* * *

So was the sixth.

* * *

_Dear Dawn,_

(There's less blood, more tear stains.)

_Always in my heart,_

(Dawn never finds it old.)

_Faith_

(Not giving up on you, she thinks.)


	6. Chapter 6

**Ahhh sorry it took a couple days. Lots of school killing me. Review please, and thank you!**

"It's been two months, Dawn. Aren't you done waiting?" Buffy is concerned.

Dawn has been paler and less chipper since the past three letters had come in.

"I've waited four before."

"What's another two months, right?" Kennedy is concerned, too. She has a harder time expressing it.

"Yea, Dawnie. Maybe it's time to score for bigger and better men!" Xander kids.

"He's certainly not the best example." Buffy rebuts.

"It may be for the best." Willow is gentle. Quieter. Kinder.

Dawn thinks Willow was runner-up to talk to after Faith. She also thinks this is only because Willow would listen well.

But she wouldn't understand quite as well.

Not like Faith did.

"I'd be fine waiting for another year." She was bluffing.

"Well at least stop fidgeting so much. It's making me nervous." Buffy states.

Dawn snaps.

"**I'm** making **you** nervous? **You** guys and **your** stupid little 'keep secrets from Dawn' game is making **me** nervous!"

"Dawn-"

"I know, I know. Another apocalypse, another battle to be fought, we should test all the Slayers in Training cause they've been trained long enough and they're ready for action; blah blah blah. I'm not **dense**, Buffy."

"I never said you were."

"**And** I have ears."

"No kidding?" Kennedy can't help it. Willow looks with warning. Kennedy shuts up.

"Pussy whipped." Dawn mutters. Kennedy snarls.

The sound of an engine coming to a halt distracts them.

"Well, looks like the mail truck's here." Xander says.

They wait and watch. The mailman gathers a pile and stuffs in colored papers, bank reminders, more magazines, a little brown package with a white envelope taped on the back-

Dawn jumps off the couch and leaps out the door.

She returns with the mail, drops it on the coffee table, though her hand grips on the package.

"Let's see it!" Willow smiles up at her. So does Buffy and Xander. Kennedy gives a half-grin.

"Maybe later." She blurts. And as expected, she bounds up the stairs again.

She tears open the letter first.

No blood. No tears. No liquor.

It's clean.

What's more:

She can read it.

* * *

_Dear Dawn,_

_Don't you dare let that tear fall._

(Dawn blinks it away.)

_I figure you're jumping with joy at the fact that this is read-able._

(Legible, she thinks, but it doesn't really bother her.)

_First off, I need to tell you how sorry I am. I know you probably want to cry and kill me at the same time; believe me, I just went through the last two months feeling the same way. I don't know what happened, but it was like something broke inside of me. I kept trying to fix it, but I couldn't. Like you're thirsty, you've never been more thirsty in your whole miserable fucking existence, but there's nothing around but food. And you eat, hoping you'll forget that you're thirsty, or you keep swallowing your spit, but it doesn't fill you up like a good glass of water could. Then the second you think you're about to die, someone hands you a soda. And you wanna throw that fucking drink in their face, 'cause you know that soda's just gonna make you thirstier. But you drink it anyways. Now you're really, really thirsty. And somebody hands you some moose-piss beer. You know, that really cheap stuff that you can get for like 5 a bottle at a bar. _

(Um. No?)

_I guess not. Still too young for that. Even if I knew before your age. But that's not the point. _

_So you get shitty beer, and you're so thirsty you gotta down it. So you do. Tastes like shit, and you now you have another reason as to why you want water. Because now you need to wash out the taste. But no matter what, nobody's handing you water. You keep trying to fill yourself up with substitutes and replacements, but you know it's not working._

_Someday, Squirt,_

(She missed being called that. She still misses it.)

_I'm gonna go back and look at those letters with you and see if I can make any sense out of them. _

_Feel like everything's on repeat. It's like dancing along with the record and the record player, but the record's scratched or the machine's broke._

_For my life, it was probably the record. _

(Dawn wouldn't know.)

_Hey, so I've been watching the news. Seems like there's a new apocalypse on the horizon. Scoobs and Slayers getting all frisky, yea? I bet they tried keeping it from you. And I bet you figured it out anyways. Smart girl. _

_Now, I'm gonna try a little experiment. By the time this gets to you, things are gonna be hopping, and I'd give the few amount of dollars I have left in my pocket that they're gathered in the living room talking about it. So go on and head downstairs._

(She does. She's halfway down the stairs when she stops.)

_Don't stop, Dawn. I know how you are. Besides, you're gonna have to go all the way down anyways._

("Dawn?")

_Was I right? She called your name, go on. _

(She halts again at the foot of the steps. Looks up at the gathered members, then looks back down.)

_And here's where I leave off at the letter, 'cause they're just about to ask you a very interesting question. _

_I trust you to answer it; suddenly it doesn't matter anymore._

_Always in my heart,_

_Faith_

("Dawn, have you talked to Faith, lately?")

_P.S. The package is for everyone._


	7. Chapter 7

**I know, it's taking a long time. School's been a bitch. Enjoy and review!**

"What?" Her voice is light because she can't breathe.

"We stopped by her apartment earlier, but I guess she must've moved into a new one. We've all been so busy, and she seemed to want to be left alone..." Willow trails.

"We figured one of us or the other had been talking to her once in a while, but now that we've actually all talked about it..." Xander trails.

"Basically none of us have talked to her in nearly a year." Kennedy finishes.

Dawn is angry, but she is also controlled.

"I know." Controlled anger.

"So you've seen her." Tension loses itself from Buffy's face. Dawn wonders.

"Oh good! What's her new address? And her phone number? We'll send someone to pick her up or something, 'cause you know, can't have her walking all the way if it's far. Not that we know it's far, but we should have her picked up anyway, and-" Willow babbles.

"I don't know." Dawn interrupts.

Everyone stares.

"What do you mean, Dawn?" Giles asks.

Dawn questions inside why they're so stupid.

"I mean she's gone. No fixed address, no phone number, no nothing." Control, control, control.

Silence.

"Wha-what...?" Flabbergasted is not a good look for Xander or for Willow.

"You haven't 'talked to her in nearly a year'?! She **left** nearly a year ago!" Anger, anger, anger.

Silence.

Giles' glasses sweeps off to be cleaned. Willow gazes pitifully at the floor. Kennedy grits her teeth. Xander resembles a guppy.

Buffy closes her eyes. Then opens them.

"The letters?" Buffy says softly.

"Faith." Dawn replies.

Everyone feels guilty. Buffy feels very guilty.

There's a difference.

"I'll be right back." Dawn turns and drags her feet up to her room. She picks up the small package, and takes it down.

"This is from her."

They open it.

A small note. Three black feathers. A leather patch. A microfiber handkerchief. Steel knuckles. A pewter key. A silver bracelet.

* * *

_You'll remember why I chose what I did._

_1. Kennedy - Steel-enforced knuckles. Your hand size is about my size. I had them make it __fit__._

("Trying out some knuckles, huh?" "Yea, but nobody ever makes knuckles that fit my hands!")

_2. Giles - That's not any microfiber handkerchief. I had the company counter clerk bring out their __newest __version. _

("This 'old rag' has served me many years, Faith." "Someday I'm gonna get you the newest cleaning cloth thing out there, and you're gonna love it.")

_3. Xander - Real __pirate__ patch. From my days spent in Florida, where pirates used to park their boats._

("Don't make fun of Patchy; he has feelings, too!" "You wanna be cool? You need the real deal. Pirate patch and everything.")

_4. Willow - The three raven feathers. You were right. It was hard, but the __iridescence__ was worth it._

("Raven feathers, Red?" "They're hard to obtain, and their iridescent coloring's the reason they're so expensive, but they're very special.")

_5. Dawn - __Key__ to my heart, Squirt. Pewter, and the only one that shape in existence._

("I'm not anything important. I'm just a stupid Key." "Key to my heart, Squirt. That's not stupid at all.")

_6. Buffy - The two chain entwined sterling silver bracelet. "__Unbreakable__", they said. But if it does, lifetime warranty._

("You take **off** your jewelry before you go out?" "They always break, and the warranty only covers 3 years max. I'd rather preserve them.")

_Always in my heart,_

_Faith_


	8. Chapter 8

**It's very short, very quick, I know. It's just a weekend bonus, since exams are this week and the next. I'll try and update whenever I can. Enjoy and review!**

They want her to bring out her box of letters.

She says no.

Please, they beg. They must find Faith.

The person, or the powers she holds?

Both.

No.

We won't read them.

What?

We won't read the letters.

No.

Please?

If you hurt her-

We won't.

Fine.

* * *

She brings the box down, and they use magic on the opened letters, searching.

A little off the late Sunnydale border.

Phoenix, Arizona. New Orleans, Louisiana. St. Augustine, Florida. Atlanta, Georgia. Chicago, Illinois.

"Smart." Kennedy mutters.

"What?" Xander is clueless until further notice.

"She's staying in the big cities so it'll be harder to pinpoint exactly where she is. Plus she's always moving. It'll take weeks to find her just through letters. And only if she stays in the same place for at least a couple days." Kennedy clues him in.

"Oh." He prefers being clueless and hopeful.

Too bad.

Willow sighs. Giles purses his lips. Buffy bites hers.

Dawn quickly gathers the letters again. She worries they'll try to read them.

"We have to do it again when the next one comes, okay?" Willow is soft.

Dawn doesn't want to, but she nods.

Not for the world.

Not for her sister and her friends.

For Faith.

(She was always like a sister to her, anyways.)


	9. Chapter 9

**Longer chapter this time. Thanks reviewers! Enjoy and review.**

They cannot believe they had not known for a year.

It is hard to accept one's mistakes, though being a mistake of so many people makes it less humiliating. Even still, it's a sense of guilt that overwhelms them.

They could not find Faith.

No letters had come for the longest of times. So they could not find her.

They saved the world, however, but there is no large celebration; they save the world all the time.

What could you ever do to catch a Slayer and her friends off guard?

Everyone says,

"Nothing!"

Dawn is not everyone.

Dawn says,

"Bring Faith into the picture."

Is she right? Of course she is. She **is** a Summers.

And Dawn waits.

They cannot find Faith; she waits.

No letters arrive; she waits.

The apocalypse is over again; she waits.

Winter time is here; she waits.

Everyone keeps asking her about Faith; she waits.

A letter - finally - arrives; she takes a break.

* * *

"Dawn? Letter!"

Dawn jumps from her bed and speeds down the stairs and forcefully pulls the letter from Xander's hand.

Everyone gathers in a way so that Dawn can't rush up the stairs without having to go through them.

"From Faith, I assume?" Giles speaks for the all of them.

"Um, yea. You assume correctly, Giles. Now may I go upstairs so that I can read it?" Dawn is impatient.

Willow fidgets.

"Well, Dawnie, we were thinking maybe we should do a test on it first. You know, maybe find out where she is sooner than later, and it seems like an hour or so wouldn't make much of a difference, but really it does, and I think that it would just be such a good idea to start working on that spell to find her and-and-and stuff..."

They look at her hopefully.

"I want to read it first."

"But Dawn-"

"I just want to read it."

"Dawn-"

"I need to read it. First."

A fist hits the table loudly. They all jump.

"There are **no** options, Dawn. We are **going** to perform the spell, **right now**, whether you like it or not!" Buffy speaks for the first time this morning.

Dawn grits her teeth, but relents the letter over to Willow.

"Thank you." Willow says with a smile.

"Whatever." Dawn is angry.

They sit and watch as Willow chants. Kennedy glowers at the letter as though it'll bite. Giles takes notes and corrects the position of his glasses. Xander fidgets with the hem of his shirt. Buffy stares intently at the center, as if waiting for a genie to pop out of nowhere.

Or perhaps a Faith.

"New York City." Willow says finally.

Dawn snatches up the letter before anybody else can. Hesitating for a moment, she breaks into a run up the stairs.

It has been too long.

* * *

_Dear Dawn,_

_I'm sorry. I'm really sorry, I know I should've contacted you earlier, but I was scared. I just lost my nerve. I thought I was ready to face them again, but I wasn't. Christ. I don't think I was ever ready to face them._

(Dawn thinks Faith could've handled it.)

_I guess Red's already figured out where this letter's from, huh? Are they actually looking for me, or do they do it just so they can tell themselves that they're trying? It's probably both. Kinda like how I send letters just so I feel better about keeping in touch with you, even if I'm not really there. And damn, I'm sorry about that, too, Dawnie. I know it's tough being the sore thumb sticking out. I've been doing it for years. At least you still have the Scoobs. They love you, even if they piss the fuck out of you sometimes. _

_Remember that one night during your rebel streak, you just couldn't resist going out and getting drunk off your ass? Whoo girl...that was pretty wild. _

(Yes, it really was.)

_And wow, I don't think I've __ever__ seen Buffy that fucking mad before. Not even at me. _

(She's never seen her that mad, either.)

_That was one the worst fights you guys have had, and do you remember running away?_

(Sort of, she thinks. Only parts of that night are clear.)

_I had to chase you down, cause Buffy wasn't even going for it. She was so pissed, she couldn't even handle that. I wasn't sure whether or not I should see if she was going to be alright, or tear off after you. _

_I chose to go after you. _

_Don't get me wrong, I really wanted to stay with B, see if we could mend some of the broken links in our relationship, but I figured the best thing for the all of us would be to go get you. I wasn't gonna let a drunk girl just run off in the middle of the night to get mauled or something. Buffy would've killed me afterwards and herself for not following you. And I'm glad I did. You remember you begging me __not__ to take you home?_

(She definitely remembers.)

_"Please, Faith...don't take me home..." You were stumbling around, rambling like a fucking drunkard. And I was like,_

_"Well where the fuck am I supposed to take you then, Squirt? The homeless shelter?"_

_"Take...me...to your place..." And you remember what you did then?_

(Didn't she pass out?)

_You passed out __cold__. _

(Ha. She knew it.)

_After you threw up all over my leather pants. I almost murdered you._

(Oh. Oops.)

_But I'm a big fat fucking softy so I carried you back to my place, called Buffy to tell her you were alright and that you were staying over, then threw you into a tub of cold water. But you were so wasted you didn't even realize it. I had to bathe you like you were my kid. It was really fucking awkward for me, but I got the job done. You were clean, you were sleeping, baby-sitting bit was over. Then I cleaned myself off, blah blah, had to throw my damn pants away, threw you into bed and I fell asleep on the couch. So really, you didn't miss much. But it explains why you don't have that cute top anymore, huh? _

(Dawn always wondered where that had gone.)

_Yea, it was completely trashed. I had to throw that out, too. Which is why you still have my Disturbed t-shirt. I want that back, eventually._

(She kept it because it smelled of Faith. She keeps it now because it reminds her of Faith.)

_Alright, so call me psychic, or just plain fucking crazy, but I have a feeling Buffy's gonna come up soon and talk to you about me. If it happens, don't freak. I just know you guys really well. So well that I can predict future events. Sweet. _

_Anyways, I'm off. Things are perking up. I ran into some cash the last few months, thanks to a few errands some random people wanted me to run. And some rich guy who dropped his wallet and I returned it. Gave me 200 bucks as a reward. Not bad for a good deed, huh? Tell Giles the Council should pay Slayers some more for their world-saving jobs. God knows we deserve it._

(She agrees completely.)

_Peace out, kid._

_Always in my heart,_

(There's a knock on the door.)

_Faith_


	10. Chapter 10

**I decided to throw you guys a bone. ****This delves a lot more into Buffy's mind, as well. It's my gratitude for you all reviewing, so please review some more!  
**

"Dawn?"

The door cracks open a little bit. Dawn instinctively tilts the tip of the letter down, though Buffy can't see the words anyway.

"Yea?"

"Can...can I come in?"

Both girls don't know why she asks; she came in anyways. It must be etiquette.

"Sure."

Buffy glances, then glances away from the letter in Dawn's hands.

"How is she?"

Does she even care? It's hard to tell.

"Better. She's doing a lot better."

"That's...good."

"Yea. I guess."

Buffy stands there awkwardly. It's been a long time since they've spoken to one another, especially on a one-on-one basis. Dawn's not quite sure what to say, and Buffy doesn't either.

Dawn ponders for a bit, because there are many things to ponder about. She thinks about Faith, she thinks about what she might be doing, about how she's living. Is she still living in those shitty old motel rooms that provide little heat and even less comfort? It must be freezing now. It's still January.

Faith didn't mention how much she missed and wanted Buffy all that much in this letter, does that mean she is over her? Or is she still wishing? Dreaming? Hoping? Does Buffy know? Dawn knows she does. It makes her angry.

It makes her so angry because she knows how much Faith loves. To what extent Faith is willing to go for Buffy. And it makes her angry because it isn't fair at all. Buffy pretends she doesn't understand, and she pretends she is oblivious. But Dawn knows that Buffy knows that Faith loves. And **that** makes it all the worse.

"Why did she leave?"

Huh?

"Huh?"

"Why did she leave?" Buffy repeats herself.

"She..." Dawn is now thinking of what to say. Does she tell Buffy that she is the reason? That it was Faith's love that made her run? Or does she pretend she doesn't know, just like Buffy pretends she doesn't know?

"I don't know." She finishes.

"Don't lie to me, Dawn." Now Buffy is angry. She is frustrated because deep inside she resents herself for pushing Faith so far from her mind. She will never admit how much of a tiring task it is, to forget Faith.

"What, you suddenly think you deserve the truth, Buffy?" Dawn replies hotly.

"Well you don't. You don't deserve an answer from me, from Faith, from anyone. You try to hide away in your perfect little box and now that your conscience is finally eating away at it, you demand an answer? I don't think so."

Buffy is at a loss for words. Dawn has snapped for the first time in a year, and her words cut deeper than they have before. Possibly because it's coming from her baby sister, but most likely because what she said is true.

And Buffy knows it. But like always, she'll pretend she doesn't have a clue.

* * *

Another letter comes 3 weeks later, and Willow identifies it.

"Boston, Massachusetts."

Dawn holds back a gasp. She wonders if any of them know where Faith was born.

Where Faith was from.

What Dawn doesn't know is that one other person in the room knows.

Buffy knows.

But while Dawn's eyes widens in surprise, Buffy's show nothing.

Inside, she implodes.

* * *

"Hungry?"

"Starved."

Years. It had been years ago.

But that day has been imprinted into her memory. It was the day Buffy believed that Faith would make a loyal friend.

Funny thing was, Faith really made a loyal friend. She only made a disloyal teammate.

Or perhaps a disloyal employee with a minimum wage of dung.

To Buffy, it reflected their friendship. To Faith, it only reflected their partnership.

Weren't they still friends?

No. Not to Buffy.

But Buffy had normal standards. Faith didn't know about them. Faith doesn't understand standards. All the ones she was expected to keep were lower than dirt.

But that is another story.

They ordered four full racks of babyback ribs. With side orders of steak fries.

Needless to say, it was delicious.

"God, how can you bother with being all proper when you're starving, B?"

"It's the end of another evil, Faith, not the end of courtesy."

(Strangely, Faith recalled this memory when she was confronted by Mayor Richard Wilkins III later in her life. She had shuddered at the familiarity.)

"Whatever. You're fucking crazy."

Buffy rolled her eyes.

"I'm crazy? You should take a look in the mirror."

Faith laughed in earnest, barbeque sauce dripping from her delicately strong fingers. Oxymoronic, indeed.

"Man, what are you, in middle school? You need new comebacks for sure."

Buffy grumbled and muttered something about needing new friends instead, and continued to use her knife and fork to daintily pick at her food. She didn't notice their disappearance until she felt the emptiness in her hands. She looked up.

"Faith?"

"Yea B?"

"Why are you taking my utensils hostage?"

The fork and knife - originally Buffy's - had found themselves in Faith's saucy, messy hands. And in presence of Faith's irking grin.

"Because, B, you need to find the fun and dig the fuck in!"

"Oookay, someone's taking this a little too far." Buffy reached over. Faith just moved her hands out of the way.

"Faith, give them back."

"Not until you get down and dirty with the ribs, B."

"Faith!"

Faith only shrugged.

"I'm not like your puppy-dog friends, or your doting Watcher. When you say jump, I won't ask how high, I'll expect you to jump **with** me."

"I'm not asking you to jump, Faith. I just want my fork and knife back."

"And you'll get them back. You just gotta eat with your hands first."

"But-"

"Nope. That's the only way." Faith was adamant. Buffy had to relent.

"Fine." She sighed, then hesitatingly picked up a rib with her pristinely clean fingers. The rib hung before her lips for a moment, her mouth opened, and then-

Then she took a bite.

Then another.

Then another.

Eventually both forgot about the fork and the knife, and ended up trying to throw fries into each other's mouths.

"What's the score now?"

"Ten billion to four, my favor."

"It is not!"

"Then you keep track."

"We don't even have ten billion fries!"

"Cause we ate them all, B." Faith paused before finishing.

"At least, you did."

"I got more than four, Faith."

"Well my stomach's still complaining, so I guess you did a pitiful job of it."

"You'd be hungry whether or not you ate the whole city."

"That's only if I didn't fuck the whole city."

"Ew."

"Oh come on. It's a natural way of life."

"What, fucking whole cities at a time?"

"Well, no. But fucking in general."

"That's...just wrong."

"What?"

"You're **younger** than I am!"

"So? I'm old for my age."

"Please. You act about as old as Xander does."

Faith mocked a look of outrage.

"You take that back."

"No."

"Take it back."

"No."

"Buffy..."

"Faith..."

Pause.

"I do **not** act like a pimply-faced, virgin geek!"


	11. Chapter 11

**This one's short, I'm sorry. But review anyways!**

Buffy wonders if it's wrong for her to remember.

If it's wrong for her to wish she could go back, and take hold of that friendship and have made it last longer.

Dawn wonders if it's wrong for her to resent.

If it's wrong for her to be disgusted that Buffy never took hold of the friendship the second time.

She figures it probably isn't.

Taking the letter, she walks - not runs - up the stairs slowly.

She opens it, and there's a scent of alcohol, sweat, and - is that stale sex?

* * *

_I met someone the other night._

(No 'Dear Dawn', she noticed.)

_She looked like her, and I must've looked like her 'her', cause she walked right up to me and said,_

_"You look familiar." _

_"Goody for you." I almost said. Instead, I said,_

_"So do you."_

_"Dance with me?" _

_I said nothing, but I danced. We danced. It felt so good, I almost thought it really was her. But no, it wasn't. She wasn't really her, and I wasn't really 'her'. _

_We ended up in bed anyway._

(Dawn's heart falls.)

_Maybe we thought we could pretend. She must've seen it in my eyes, because I saw it in hers. We fucked and we fucked and it was angry and hateful. We loved and we loved and it was forgiving and sensual. She whispered one name, and I whispered another. We pretended because wanted so much for each other to be 'her', and because we knew if we didn't pretend, we could never have 'her'._

(You already have her, she thinks.)

_In the morning we both expected the other to leave, just like we expected 'her' to leave, but we clung to each other because we kept pretending and we couldn't let go. She never told me her name, and I never told her mine. We whispered 'her' name at each other, pretending; always pretending. We left our separate ways at the end; we kissed and we touched and let our gazes linger, then we turned and walked away and never looked back. _

_I left L.A. because I couldn't stand being so __near her. Now I just can't stand being so far. So much that I have to find someone else to take her place._

_It hurts like hell, Bitesize, and I hope you never have someone in your life that means to you what she means to me._

(She certainly hopes she never hurts that way, either.)

_Always in my heart,_

_Faith_


	12. Chapter 12

**Thanks for the reviews. Enjoy...and review some more!**

Dawn spent the last two days worrying.

Faith is falling apart. She's destroying herself because of her love for Buffy.

She wonders if Faith plans on the whole ending-where-you-began thing. She prays to God that she isn't.

And then there's Buffy, who hasn't said much more than three sentences since the last letter.

Dawn is pacing so much that she doesn't notice Kennedy standing at the doorway.

"Hey Dawn. Here." Kennedy hands her a letter, fresh and clean from the mailbox.

"It's from Boston again. Maybe she'll be staying there for a while. If the next letter is the same..."

Then they'll be going in.

Dawn nods and takes the letter and waits until Kennedy leaves. She shuts the door and opens the letter.

Coffee stains. Black.

* * *

_Dear Dawn,_

(Back to the greetings.)

_She left her phone here._

_I didn't even realize until it rang last night. I just stared at it, while my head was screaming, "no!" No, you fucking moron. Don't do it. Don't do it. She forgot it here, her fucking loss. You're gonna regret it if you pick it up. Ignore it, it'll stop ringing eventually. Just don't, fucking, do, it. _

_But I picked it up anyways._

_I didn't say a word. Neither did she. And of course, __after __the few seconds of silence, then we __both__ decide it's a good fucking idea to speak. At the same time._

_"Yea?" "Hello?"_

_My breath hitched in my throat. So did hers. She sounded so much like...ah. Never mind._

_"God, we're so pathetic aren't we?" She said after doing that stupid nervous laugh that Willow does all the time._

(It's true. Willow does it a lot. And it **is** stupid.)

_"Speak for yourself." I talked back. I made myself sound like tough shit. You know, to throw her off; make it sound like I don't fucking care. 'Cause I don't._

_She just said "Sorry" and we stopped talking for a little bit. I think I even stopped breathing, but I can't be too sure. Bad memory._

_"So I guess you want your phone back." I finally said._

_"Yea, that would be nice." _

_You know how sometimes people just seem like they're about to say something else, but it takes them fucking forever to say it? She pulled that stupid bullshit on me right then. And I just shut up cause I thought she'd say it immediately, but no. I had to wait some more just to hear her ask me,_

_"Do you want to...the coffee shop down the street...maybe?" _

_All those dots, and she expected me to fill in the blanks. I'm not stupid. I know what she was asking. What she wanted. But I played dumb. Funny thing is, I think she knew I was going to._

_"To return the phone."_

_"Right. To...return the phone."_

_"When?"_

_"5pm tomorrow?"_

_"Okay."_

_"Thanks. By-" _

_I hung up. I never say bye._

_Now it's nearly 4 and I'm having a fucking panic attack. Got this feeling inside that makes me want to go crawl under a bed and die or something. Stupid fucking emotions; always giving me a hard time. Bad enough I have them, they have to haunt me every second of the goddamn day. And not a word to anyone, Squirt. I'll kick your ass._

(You wouldn't, she thinks.)

_Everyone there would have a fucking coronary._

_OH MY GOD. Faith; evil I-don't-feel-a-fucking-thing Faith has normal human emotions like a normal human being? No __fucking__ way! You don't say. My word. Really, now? You've got to be shitting me. You're so lying!_

_Ha. Only one who'll believe it is Angel._

_Anyways, alright. I guess I'm gonna pace around before I leave. Maybe leave a hole or two in the walls._

(Dawn hopes it goes well.)

_Always in my heart,_

_Faith_

(Yet hopes it doesn't.)


	13. Chapter 13

**Whoo...here we go now! Review.**

* * *

**5 PM**

**The coffee shop down the street.**

"Waiting for someone, girlfriend?"

The blonde nearly jumps out of her seat. She hadn't heard the door open, or the boots clicking against the tiles.

Mostly she just wasn't paying attention.

Faith slides into the seat across her, reaches into her jacket pocket and lays the phone in front of the other girl. They both stare at it for a moment.

Faith gets up and moves to leave.

"Okay, if that's all, I'm out. Places to see, people to do. See ya 'round-" She's stopped by a small hand gripping her jacket sleeve.

"Please." Blondie struggles with her words.

"Don't go."

_I should leave._

_I should leave and never look back. _

_I should leave._

She stays. She sits down again.

They stare at each other for a few moments, remembering.

Remembering each crevice, each fine line, each crease of laughter or anger, everything.

Remembering.

**Comparing.**

"I'm not her." They both say at the same time.

"I know." Again.

"Sarah." Blondie sticks out her hand.

"Faith." Faith ignores it.

Sarah pulls her hand back, the expression on her face something between tears and laughter.

"What?"

She smiles.

"You're just like her."

"So are you."

"Ahem." The waitress stands, waiting to take orders. So automatic. So routine.

Well how else is she going to pay for college tuition?

"Irish creme." Sarah says.

"Black. And I'm gonna need more sugar." Faith glares at the six packets already in the container on the table.

"Okay. Coming right up."

They wait for her to leave.

"Clubbing later?"

"Sounds like a plan."

* * *

**5 AM**

**Vacancy Motel Room 102**

They just finished, and Faith rolls over onto her back. She hasn't broken a sweat.

Somehow, neither has Blondie.

Sarah.

Whatever.

"You're a Slayer, then."

"How'd you know?"

"Anybody - any**thing** - else would've passed out after **that**."

Sarah flushes.

"Cocky much?"

"No, but if I had one it'd be fucking big."

Sarah makes a face. Faith grins.

"So, lemme guess. My reputation preceded me?"

"It's hard to miss who you are, with the stake and the five vamps you took out in less than five minutes, in **my** cemetery."

"You're welcome for the night off, then."

"And **you're** welcome for getting you off."

Ooh. She's sharp. Faith likes that.

But this is almost too surreal, and she's getting a bit claustrophobic.

"Listen-"

"I know. Feeling like you don't have enough room to breathe. Gotcha." Blondie sits up and Faith thinks she looks beautiful.

Almost like...

She shakes her head from the thought.

"How'd you-"

"She was like that, too."

"Damn." Now Faith sits up.

"Didn't know I had a twin."

"Neither did I, but it's believable. I just can't believe that I'm twins with **the** Chosen One."

"Yea. It's fucking weird." Faith suddenly looks a little shy.

"You don't have to leave." Her voice is soft. Gentle. Scared.

Sarah looks a little surprised, then with the feeling of inner joy, she kisses Faith.

"Good. I didn't want to leave."

Faith smiles for the first time in a long time.

So does Sarah.

But as they begin to love again, their minds pretend it's someone else.


	14. Chapter 14

**Okay...so apparently a lot of people are liking Sarah. I agree, she's more in tune with her I-like-girls quality than Buffy is, which makes her all the more likeable. But of course, I'm also a devout Buffy/Faith person. **

**I need a show of hands. Or reviews. Whatever. Let me know what y'all want. I can always alter a few things, if needed.**

**If it's a draw, I'm going with what I originally planned. So you, reader, need to do the following:**

**1. Review this chapter and  
**

**2. a. Write the pairing you prefer or  
**

** b. Just tell me you want to see what I've got in store. **

**Your choice.**

* * *

Months. It's been months.

3 months, to be exact.

"Boston, Massachusetts." Willow sounds surprised.

Dawn isn't sure if she should jump for joy or panic.

"We're going in, right?" Kennedy asks.

"We're bringing her back, right?"

Dawn pulls the letter from Willow's extended hand, while the Wiccan speaks.

"I guess. I mean, I don't know if she'd **want** us to arrive at her doorstep after a year and a half, but it's manageable."

"Send the word to the Slayer Council there. Ask if they know anything, and tell them we'll be there. I expect a place for us to start." Buffy says.

No. **Orders.**

"I'm not quite sure this is a good idea, Buffy."

"No. I'm done waiting, Giles. I'm done doing nothing and pretending she doesn't exist when she needs to be with her friends. With **us**. You don't have to go, but **I'm** going." Buffy is adamant. She needs to go.

Kennedy steps in. So does Willow. So does Xander. So does a reluctant Giles.

Which leaves Dawn.

"Dawnie?"

She is unsure. She is a little frightened.

"I need to read the letter first. I need to see if she's okay."

They nod.

She retreats to her room.

* * *

_Dear Dawn,_

_Guess where I'm all shacked up? _

(Boston?)

_Well, you wouldn't believe me if I told you, but it's pretty fucking complicated. Not that it matters. _

(But it **always** mattered.)

_I mean, it's not like the love of my fucking life is gonna show up out of nowhere at my fucking doorstep or nothing. So fuck if any of this matters._

(Someone's in for a big surprise, Dawn thinks.)

_Listen, I think I might stay here for a while, so I'll write the return address at the bottom. Maybe we can actually talk without having it be one-way, yea? I already picked up a job as a freaking bartender. I was thinking about being a stripper - lots more cash, less time - but Sarah wouldn't let me. _

(Who the hell is Sarah?!)

_She kinda looks after me and vice versa. _

_Anyways, I'm still up and running, in case you thought I just fucking fell and died somewhere. It's hard. You have no fucking idea how hard this is. I slay, I eat, I sleep, I fuck, I slay, eat, sleep, fuck..._

_Shampoo. Rinse. Repeat._

_Fucking vicious cycle. That's the story of my crap life. Not to mention I just ended up where I began. Fucking Boston. Fuck it._

_I dropped by my old house the other day, you know, just for old times' sake. It's broken down, and nobody lives in it anymore. I stepped inside, just to take a look. Looked like nobody lived in it after I left except for some rats and a shitload of roaches. The doors were mostly broken in, and the windows were boarded up real shitty. I could still smell the liquor and Mom's old perfume. The cheap kind. It's all she ever used after she got acquainted with old Jack Daniels. My room was the same as it was before I left it. Just dirtier and smellier. My books were still there, little kid books that my mom used to read to me when she was sober. She used to snuggle into my bed with me and read them aloud. I used to love that. I still remember her voice. Before it went to shit. And that bed. Damn. I hated that bed. At least five times a fucking week I was fucked on that bed, and without consent, so I guess you could say I was raped five times a week on that fucking bed. I hated that bed, and I still hate it. _

(Dawn feels like crying.)

_I lost it. _

_I flew out of there like a bat out of hell and I bought myself a gas can, a pack of matches, and went back. You can guess what happened then. _

_Everything burns._

_That house was, __is__, like a metaphor for my life. It was happy once. For something like a minute, then it's shit shit shit all the way 'til the end. When it all goes to hell. _

_Sometimes I feel like I'm in hell. _

(She wishes it was different.)

_But I'm trying, you know? I'm fucking trying. I slay and I work and I live the good life. I'm trying._

_I smile more, even. _

_I just hope it makes some sort of a difference. That maybe it'll balance out all the shit that I've caused._

(It does. It really does.)

_But I guess that's not for me to decide. The Scoobs never really forgave me. I never did, anyway._

(They forgave you, she thinks. They're just stupid. So stupid.)

_I hope someday I'll see you again, Squirt. I miss you a lot._

(So does she.)

_Always in my heart,_

(Dawn** is** crying.)

_Faith_

(She decides it's time to go to Boston.)


	15. Chapter 15

**Alright. So we've established what I'm gonna do. Or I've established it. Whatever. Anyways, you'll see. **

**Enjoy and review!**

* * *

**10 PM **

**Guess where in Boston? **

"They what?!" Faith is in shock.

"I was at the meeting today. They said they're arriving tonight. And technically, they've arrived already. Exactly-" Sarah glances at the clock on the wall.

"24 minutes ago. And they're looking for **you.**"

Faith lets out a sigh that sounds a little like a grunt and a groan at the same time.

"Well fuck."

"How did they know?"

"The letters. They probably got Red to trace my letters. Damnit, Dawn!" Faith slams a fist into the tabletop. She is nervous now.

Her hands are gathered in Sarah's petite hands. They are soft. They are wet.

Is she crying?

"What...why are you crying? What's wrong?" Faith is concerned.

"I don't know." She is shaking her blonde little head.

"I don't know."

Faith squeezes her hands, but says nothing.

"Are you going to leave?"

"Huh?"

"Are you leaving with her? With Buffy?" She sounds so scared. She is very scared.

"I..." What can Faith say to that?

"Please, don't go." Sarah whispers the words that made Faith stay that day in the coffee shop only 3 months ago.

She's not so sure Faith will stay this time.

Neither is Faith.

"I can't...I won't watch you go." She breaks away and turns her back, hiding her tears.

"You'll come with me." Faith says a little desperately. She ducks a flying mug and clenches her jaw as it breaks against the wall behind her.

"God, you are so fucking stupid! You think I'd feel any better, watching you with her? Knowing that you can still love your first love, when mine's dead as a fucking doornail, six feet under?" Another one breaks the window.

"Sarah, I-"

"Shut up!" She's about throw something else, but Faith gets to her first.

Faith throws her arms around the girl, holding her tight, stroking her hair, murmuring soothing words in her ear.

Waiting until she quietens down. Softly. Calmly.

"They're probably just here to ask me for help. I'm the go-to girl when it comes to dirty deeds done cheap. 'Sides, Buffy wouldn't love me even if we were the last two people on earth."

Assurance.

"Then she's obviously an idiot."

"That's what I've been saying." Faith grins. Sarah giggles.

So much like Buffy would.

"You're thinking about her." Sarah stops giggling, and a sad look crosses her face.

"No."

"Yes. You are. I know that look. It's the look that's on your face every night when we...make love."

Pause.

_Make...love?_

"You still call me Buffy."

Faith shuts her eyes tight. She doesn't want to know what she says when she's fucking.

And she calls it fucking because she's still not ready for it to be anything else yet.

She doubts she'll ever be ready.

But it is the truth.

She still calls Buffy's name. Still moans for Buffy, begs for Buffy, wishes for Buffy.

Still **loves** Buffy.

"I hate her." Sarah whispers hoarsely. She takes Faith's face into both hands and makes her look into her familiar hazel-green eyes.

Makes her see.

"I hate her so much, Faith, for hurting you. For making you feel so much pain every day. Every night." She keeps talking, and Faith feels like she's drowning.

"Did you know that you cry in your sleep?"

No, she didn't.

Somehow, it doesn't surprise her.

"You cry out her name, and you clutch at the scar on your stomach like your skin's about to burn away."

**The** scar. From **the **knife.

Sarah's crying again. Faith lifts a hand and wipes them away. So gently.

"God, I hate that woman. She makes you sob and shake in your sleep, you curl up into a little ball and touching you only makes you hurt more. I hate her for not letting you love anymore. For taking and taking and taking everything you had to give her and never giving you anything in return. She's turned you into a shell and I hate her for it, my God, I'll **kill** her for it!" Sarah cries harder.

Faith kisses her cheeks, kisses her tears.

"You're too beautiful to hate, Sarah. Too damn beautiful." Faith hates to see her so angry. So hateful.

She doesn't believe that she's worth enough to fight over. To hate over. Not at all.

She is nothing, after all.

"No, you're perfect. You're so fucking perfect. Don't ever think that. Ever..." Sarah squeezes her tightly against her, still tearing, still shaking.

Suddenly, the door bangs open.

"Faith?"


	16. Chapter 16

**Was the anticipation killing you? It should've been. **

**Enjoy and please review.**

* * *

They are staring now, at the six people standing in the doorway, rain falling lightly outside. It blows in softly from the broken window and the open door.

Faith's lips are slightly parted, now in shock. Now in a trance. Because there they are.

Giles, Xander, Willow, Kennedy, Dawn, and Buffy.

Buffy.

As if things couldn't get any more complicated.

It is Dawn who had spoken, and Dawn who speaks again.

"Faith?" Dawn who is crying, who is near a breakdown, near something horribly bad and needs a hug.

"Dawn..." Faith stands up quickly, opening her arms. Dawn runs and leaps into them, sobbing now.

"For fuck's sake, kid, I've missed you...Christ, I've missed you..." She holds Dawn tightly and up in the air, shaking her from side to side gently in a deep embrace.

And Dawn feels safe and Dawn feels warm. Like she's finally near someone who sees her.

Faith finally drops Dawn back down and hardens her face again to look at the rest of them. Her eyes are so hard.

So cold. So distant.

So damn angry, because that's what she is.

Angry.

"Faith."

"Giles."

"It's good to see you again." The old man states.

"We've missed you." Xander says.

"I can tell you were all broken up about it. Really." She is sarcastic.

"Faith, we-"

"Were super busy, didn't have time to check up on your 'friend' once in a fucking blue moon. Yea, I gotcha. I got it. Why should it be any different?" She wants them to leave.

Now.

"Well we're here now, aren't we?" Kennedy is rude. She doesn't mean to be, but she doesn't know how else to react.

"Yea, you are. What, you think this is a better-late-than-never situation, Ken? You think that's how friendship works?" Faith's eyes are ablaze. Her fists clench tight.

"I'm no expert on friends, but if this is what friends do, I'm pretty damn sure I don't need anymore to add to my bullshit."

"Just let us explain. It's...we...I..." Willow glances around for help.

They're the good guys, don't they have **anything** to prove that?

Or maybe they're at fault here, and they finally understand that.

Does it hurt? Does it burn?

Silence.

Observation.

Buffy sees the girl that looks so much like her and wonders briefly if her Buffy Bot has made a return, but judging by the name she heard outside the window, she figures it'd be a bad idea to attack.

For now.

"Who are you?" Kennedy asks.

Apparently, Buffy's not the only one who noticed.

"I'm Sarah. You must be Kennedy." Sarah always was good at deductive reasoning. She's heard the tales.

"The Sarah from the letter." Dawn says in dismay. She'd heard the name, too, but it didn't register just yet. Then something clicks.

"The girl! The...'her'!" She turns to Sarah excitedly.

"You're 'her'!"

Sarah blushes.

"Um...yes?"

"Her?" Willow echoes.

"Faith's 'her'!"

"She's Faith?" Willow's confused.

"No, she is Faith's 'her'."

"What?" Now Xander's confused.

"Jesus, guys!" Dawn's exasperated.

"Wait. Faith and Sarah are the same person and they're Jesus?" Kennedy's definitely lost.

"Yes! I mean, what?! NO!" Dawn takes a deep breath before restarting.

"Sarah is Faith's girl!"

Eyes widen. Glasses are cleaned, thoughts run wild, faces turn red, smirks grow wide, and someone's seeing green.

Guess who?

"You know, they could be sisters!" Xander nudges Giles, who just coughs. He motions towards the two blondes in the room.

"Yea, we could be. Funny how things work out." Sarah's voice has an edge.

She remembers how she hates Buffy.

How she would love to make her hurt.

"What's that supposed to mean?" Buffy takes offense to the tone, not the words.

She doesn't like this girl. This Buffy Summers wannabe is standing much too close to Faith for the real Buffy's liking.

And that's not allowed.

"Anything you want it to mean, Miss Summers." Mocking.

Faith starts to fidget at the sight.

This just won't end well.

"You think you can take me? Is that it?"

"Nobody doubts your skill, Miss Summers, but you seem to have a problem with underestimating other Slayers. Hurting them, even." Slight reference to Faith.

"The ones that hurt most likely deserved it." There are plenty of Slayers in Training that Buffy's had to put into place. Why not this one, too?

"You'd be pretty surprised at who you've managed to destroy just with every step. Every breath. None of it deserved." Sarah remembers her lost lover. How it all made her feel.

How Buffy makes Faith feel.

"I suppose you'd like to be one of them." Sarcasm.

Still not getting it.

Sarah flushes with anger.

"Well isn't that interesting, Faith? We look alike, but she's about as smart as a rock."

Buffy steps forward, fist clenched.

"My punch is pretty sturdy too; wanna see how it compares?"

"Bring it on."

They both throw a punch. They both make contact.

But not each other.

"Fucking OW!" Faith crashes into - and breaks apart - the dresser.

"Faith!" Both rush over.

Blood gushes down her face, and she thinks her knee's dislocated.

But she's grinning.

It's quite the sight to see.

"Sorry 'bout the dresser. But um...gotta say I'm pretty sure the last one was Buffy's punch. Even if yours shoved me straight into it." She gets up, struggling.

"Look what you did!" Sarah's mad about Faith. And maybe the dresser.

"What **I** did?! That was all you!" Buffy's just indignant.

Faith can't take it anymore. Not now. It's enough that she just ran in between a Slayer faceoff. Her head hurts too much and so does her heart.

"Stop! Just stop!"

They don't plan to stop.

Both are much too stubborn, but Buffy takes the first risk.

She just doesn't know it's a risk until she starts retorting.

"Stop? I don't even know what's started, or why your meat-of-the-day is getting on my-oomph!" Buffy is slammed into the wall, hands like an iron grip on her shoulders.

Definitely a risk she shouldn't have taken.

"I think I told you once, Twinkie, to stop. I hate asking twice." Faith's voice holds a frightening growl. It chills everyone to the bone.

Even Dawn. Even Sarah.

Even Buffy.

Everything comes to a standstill.

To a stop.


	17. Chapter 17

**Lots of reviews! I love it. I love you.**

Okay, so the reason I'm updating pretty much every day is because school's out, I stay up ridiculously late (I update at times between 11pm-2am), and because I usually have about a quarter of a fic written before I even post it. So no, I don't write a new chapter to upload, I just copy and paste from the story I've already got written.

I'm just letting you guys know, so that you don't think I'm a complete freak who just writes about BtVS all the time, haha. Because I'm not...

Ah, who am I kidding. I love Buffy. Well, no. I love Faith. My bad. I love Faith. And sometimes Buffy, but that's rather minimal. Lack of love, you see.

Enough of this stupid rambling. Going on. Enjoy and review. Seriously. Or else I'll just update later. Cause the reviews make me update faster, too, and this fic brings me lots of lovely reviews from lovely people. I honestly love all of your reviews. It brings me much joy and happiness.

KEEP THE WRITER HAPPY. (Because clearly, that's your purpose in life.)

* * *

And begins.

"You'll never get it, B. You never got it before, I don't see why you'd think you got it now." Faith says softly before letting go.

"What-"

"Exactly." She can feel her heart pulsing something sharp into her veins with every thump.

With every little breath; it's cutting her inside.

She never knew it could hurt so bad. Never knew it would happen to her.

Never wanted it to.

It did, anyway.

"Faith...?"

Faith looks up.

Buffy struggles with words. Doesn't know why it's so hard.

Why her heart's so afraid to ask.

"I..." Her mouth dries up.

"We want you to come back with us."

How tempting.

"Since when and why should I care about what you guys want? What in the fucking world tells me it won't just go back to how it was?"

"It won't. We were all just stupid, Faith, and what with the short attention span, it's a wonder we keep the SiTs in check." Smile. Make it light-hearted.

Maybe she'll want to come home then.

No, it only makes her more angry.

Dawn to the rescue.

"Are you happy here?" She questions gently. Faith glances at her, then looks away.

Sarah's holding her breath.

So is Buffy, but for very different reasons.

"I won't find 'happy' anywhere, Squirt. This is the second closest I've ever gotten to it. Never have to impress anyone. Just living."

Pause.

"I have a home. I have someone to come home to. Someone I slay with. Someone who cares about me, and vice versa. A job. A life." Her brows furrow as she looks as them.

Sarah touches her arm with a gentle love. Something to keep her steady.

Buffy wants to tear it off. Maybe cut off the hand and throw it to the hellhounds.

"I'm **worth** something here."

Buffy chokes up a little.

"You're worth something to **us**, Faith. We can't do this withou-"

"Seems like you've managed a year and a half without me pretty damn well, B. Tell me you want me to come back, fine. But don't lie to me. I told you..." Now Faith chokes.

"I **told** you that 'I'm not like your puppy-dog friends, or your doting Watcher'. I don't just believe all the shit you pull out of your ass. Tell me something I can believe. Something I can hold onto, if you want me back...**Give** me something to believe."

It almost seems like she's begging. Sarah hates it.

"What can I say, Faith, that you won't shoot down? What am I supposed to do for you? What do you **want** from me?" Buffy begins to lose control. Begins to panic.

She's still afraid.

Dawn and Sarah's breath hitches.

"What do **I** want?" Faith can't help but laugh.

And here it comes.

"**You**; you fucking little bitch. I want **you**."

It's in the open now.

Everyone knows now, if they didn't know already.

One can almost hear Sarah's heart break its second time.

"You remember what I said before? 'When you say jump, I won't ask how high, I'll expect you to jump **with** me'?"

Buffy remembers. So well.

"Everything about you begged me to jump, and I did it. I jumped. Nobody ever warned me that unless you jump with me, falling in love has a completely different meaning." Faith is crying now. She can't stop the tears.

Neither can Buffy.

"You think it's hard, loving someone you shouldn't love? Boo-hoo Angel, boo-fucking-hoo Spike. Try falling for someone who can't love you back. Who just **won't** love you back. Is this what you wanted, Buffy? Is this what you wanted to hear? I know you fucking heard everything outside that goddamn window; did you really need me to clarify it for you? Does it make you happy to see me so fucking under your grip? Under your fucking power? What the fuck did you do to me, that I can't love again? That I can't even come close to loving someone who's willing to give me their heart? Tell me, Buffy, cause I fucking want to know how you did this. How the hell did you manage to do this to me?"

The screams of a broken heart.

Or one in the process of breaking.

Faith had kept it preserved, frozen in ice, dropping the temperature every time the beating of the heart melted it away. Because you can't put a stop to love, not one that was as strong as a Slayer's love. But now the newly formed ice is cracking, and the heart under it is feeling all the pain.

All the cracks. All the pain.

Always in her heart.


	18. Chapter 18

**This chapter's pretty short, kinda like a bonus chapter. Except not, cause it's needed for the flow, but you get what I'm saying. Sorry for the little reading, but you know you'll get the next chapter pretty soon. **

**And I still expect lotsa loverly reviews because...well...I can withhold the nice long chapter a little longer if I don't. Muahaha. **

**OK. Anyways. Enjoy and review. I'm counting on you.**

* * *

Fuck.

That's how she felt. How Faith felt.

So she ran.

Out the door, out and away from the situation, from the words she just spoke, from the girl she spoke them to.

From Buffy.

Buffy, who is crying, eyes wide, unmoving.

Nobody else moves, either.

"Go." Sarah speaks.

Buffy looks at her.

"Go after her. Don't be a fucking idiot and lose her again." Sarah and her bloodshot eyes urge Buffy to go.

"I know you love her too. She couldn't be that much in love with you if you weren't either. When she talks about you, I can hear it in her voice, I can hear it in the stories. You love her. So go get her. You might not get another chance." She's speaking from experience.

"And if you don't, she'll come back to me. And I won't let go of her so easily the next time you come to your senses." A threat.

Buffy's eyes widen more, then she pushes her way out.

The others rush on after her, too.

Only Sarah stays.

Her eyes close, and the wall steadies her.

The worst pain in the world is to lose someone you love.

Wasn't once enough?

Sarah crumples down to the floor and breaks down into bitter tears.

Apparently not.


	19. Chapter 19

**Back to the longer chaptered action. I know, I felt bad for Sarah, too, but someone's love had to be sacrificed. Oh and Faith's a little mean, but it's pretty understandable.  
**

**Enjoy and review! I mean it.**

* * *

"Faith! Stop!" Buffy's shouts reach Faith's ears, but she doesn't want to heed them.

Why should she? She deserves so much more. So much more than this pain.

Nobody deserves this kind of pain.

She knows that now.

Funny thing is, she stops anyway.

When Buffy catches up to her, she doesn't turn around to face her, because she's not sure there's enough rain to disguise the tears falling on her face.

She hears the others follow up, too.

Now she really doesn't want to turn around.

"Faith...please...can we talk?" The blonde is pleading. Or sounds like it.

_Can we talk?!_

Faith has been yearning for about a year to hear Buffy's voice again, but now she dreads to hear the words that may spill like poison from her lips.

But she says nothing. Just keeps standing with her back turned.

"Will you...will you turn around? We need to talk." A little more sure. If only because Faith stopped at all.

"Nothing to talk about, B. Said all that was needed to be said, and now I'm done."

Done. No more. Out. Finished.

Capiche?

Pfft.

Nobody's ever done if Buffy says they aren't.

"Well I didn't get to say what I needed to say, so just...please. Listen." Buffy sounds a little exasperated. A little in over her head.

It makes Faith want to kill someone.

She just poured out her seemingly cold heart and Buffy's exasperated?

She whirls around.

"Listen?! All I've ever done was listen. Follow orders. Salute the goddamn Commander, cause I'll only ever be another soldier amongst the ranks. Do the deed right and maybe I'll get a bone thrown at my fucking head. **Listen?!**"

Is she fucking shitting her?

Faith steps in closer, eyes wild, finger jabbing and pointing because that's all she's ever been shown.

"Give me a good reason as to why I should fucking listen to you and your fucking bullshit, B. Just one good bullshit reason."

Buffy is quiet. Almost cowers.

"Come on, Buffy, what's the problem? Can't think of some retort to pull from out of your skinny ass to push me all the way back to the fucking bottom where you always make me feel like I belong?" It's all anger speaking.

Everything so pent up, ready to blow, starting to blow, all of it begging to bust a cap on someone's ass.

A particular blonde Slayer's ass.

"Faith-" Dawn starts.

"No. Don't defend her, Dawnie. Don't do it. If you do it, I've got nobody. And I can't afford to lose another somebody I've got. So just...don't." Faith can't handle that.

Because she just ran out on the only person she knew who truly was in love with her. Because with such simple words, such simple actions; she broke someone's heart.

And Faith can't deal knowing that.

She can't deal knowing that she did to someone else what Buffy did to her. What Buffy **still** does to her.

Sarah somehow picked the pieces back together, but her first love wasn't in the position to grind the heart deeper and deeper into the concrete, turning it to dust.

It was less painful for her to love again. To love someone else.

Because she didn't have to live knowing that her love wasn't going around not loving her back.

Faith supposes in some twisted way, that means she wants Buffy dead.

Mostly just out of her life.

Out of her mind.

Out of her heart.

"I wasn't gonna defend her." Dawn says defensively. With a pout.

"Goddess forbid **that** ever happen." Willow whispers to nobody in particular.

"It'd be the first time if she did." Xander mutters back.

"Guys, please. A minute?" Buffy asks them. Begs them.

It's rather unfortunate for Faith that they agree without looking into her eyes.

Her eyes, which are begging. Pleading, screaming, kicking, everything; for them not to leave her alone with Buffy.

But when have they ever listened, right?

They walk away, head away, probably back towards the house, or the rental car.

She lets her gaze linger on them so that it doesn't have to linger on the girl (woman?) right in front of her.

"You never told me."

Faith can't believe Buffy's starting this conversation off like this.

"What?"

"You never told me." Buffy repeats. Firm. Angry?

Oh hell no.

Faith starts laughing bitterly, not being able to find the words to say.

Making Buffy more irritable.

"Why didn't you tell me?" Stepping into Faith's space, eyes demanding, posture demanding.

Everything about her demanding.

But Faith doesn't take to demanding. She hates it.

And she figures she'll take the time to remind Buffy how much she hates it.

"Well gosh, B. I never thought about that, or shit, how you'd react to what I'd be trying to tell ya! Wow, don't I feel like a fucking idiot. Why didn't I just fucking tell you?!" Sarcasm into frustrated screams.

"Are you fucking shitting me, Buffy? You really think you would've taken it well? 'Oh hey B. Just wanted to tell you that I have the flaming hots for ya'? You would've stuffed my face down a drain and kicked my ass all over the city!"

It was her biggest fear.

Buffy Anne Summers' rejection.

The reaction to what Faith would say.

Well now here she is waiting - whether she wants to or not - for that reaction, because the words she never expected to say were said.

The ball is in Buffy's court, now.

"I wouldn't have done that, Faith."

"Then what the hell did you follow me out here for? To plant me a big wet one and tell me everything will be oka-" Her words are cut off by surprise.

By a kiss.

Or a big wet one, whichever you prefer.

The terms don't particularly matter at this point, because Buffy kissed her.

**Is** kissing her.

Right now, at this very moment, and out of her own accord.

Neither can describe just how right this feels, and neither of them really care to.


	20. Chapter 20

**Not feeling up to any pre-chapter comments. **

**Enjoy and review. Seriously.  
**

* * *

When Buffy pulls back, Faith's eyes are wide and she's not quite sure how she's feeling.

"Okay...so the real Buffy must've punched me across the face, I passed out, and now I'm dreaming. That must be it."

Buffy laughs.

Faith cringes because she hates how much she loves that laugh.

Shaking her head, backing away, knowing that she can't let herself fall anymore than she already has.

This has just **got** to be some sort of mindfuck.

"Faith, what's wrong?" Buffy's feeling a little bold.

Feeling like she's been holding herself back for too long.

Knowing she can't do that anymore.

Knowing what she wants. Who she wants.

"You...I...I can't. This is wrong. All fucking wrong."

What?

"Faith...I thought you said..." Insecure again.

"I did. I did, and that's the problem. You can't...you can't just **do** that, B! You can't just kiss it all away, all the things you did, it just doesn't work that way!" Faith won't let herself fall.

Because if this is just a trick, she knows she won't be able to get back up.

"Then tell me, Faith! Just tell me how to make it better..." Buffy doesn't realize where the words first came from until they leave her lips.

_"Just tell me how to make it better."_

Faith makes a small noise in the back of her throat.

"That's the fucking problem, now isn't it? I don't know, Buffy. I don't know how you can make **this** better." She says, clutching at her heart with one hand.

"I'm...I'm so sorry, Faith...I didn't...I didn't know..." Buffy lets the tears fall, hands shaking.

For once, not knowing what to do and having nobody tell her how to do it.

And knowing she can't ad-lib this.

Especially knowing she can't just broom the dirt under the rug like she's been doing ever since she met Faith.

This time it's Buffy's hands that wrap around Faith's, wet with rain and wet with tears.

And Faith, no matter how hard she tries, her hands just won't pull away.

Wanting to scream at Buffy, tell her it's not okay. That it's not right, that she's fucked up as a friend and fellow Slayer, that she'll never be forgiven...

But she can't.

"You knew, Buffy. You always knew."

"What? I-"

"Shoving it under everything you considered more important in your life; Angel, the Scoobs, being the better Slayer...then college, Riley...Spike...always being better...always..." Faith's voice trails as her eyes squeeze out more tears.

Then opens again, wildly, hands pulling away from Buffy's grasp.

"Why am I good enough for you now?"

Buffy's mouth opens, still somewhat in shock.

"Faith-"

"You just woke up and decided to pop in on me after a fucking year and accept the fact that I'm in love with you? That I've **always** been in love with you? What's up with that, B? What the **fuck** is up with that?" So hurt.

So fucking jaded.

But Buffy isn't one to take insults lying down, much less standing up, and soon anger was boiling under her skin as well.

"Stop yelling at me, Faith! Just stop yelling!"

"Why? Why should I stop?"

"Because no matter how shitty the situation was, I never turned my friends away, God forbid I party it all away, and I sure as hell never ran away from my problems!" Spitting it out.

Hitting all the soft spots of Faith's past.

Causing more doubt, more rift.

"No, B. You just bury them, is all." Faith mutters bitterly, turning away again.

Being whirled back by an enraged Buffy by her arm.

"Don't you turn your back on me!" She screams.

Faith jerks her arm away from the Slayer grip, ignoring the ache that ensures a bruise later on.

"What, you can't take a fucking taste of your own medicine, Buffy? Is that it? You've never had a problem turning your back on me, and much less qualms about leaving me to the wolves, so don't even try to pretend I'm the bad one here." Faith's voice isn't yelling.

Isn't screaming or even close to loud.

It's broken. It's soft.

It's given up.

Buffy bites her tongue, knowing it isn't in her place to insult anymore. That she shouldn't have in the first place.

Right now, her job requires her to fixate the situation at hand.

Her mind urges her to exchange conversation rationally. Logically. Compromisingly.

Her body begs her to ravish Faith against the nearest tree. Hard and fast.

And her heart?

Her heart tells her it's now or never; everything they've been through together has finally come together to meet at this point. This moment in time.

And an end to this bitterness, this hurt, all of the mistrust...

Way past overdue.

"Faith." Firm but soft, reaching to touch her lightly on the shoulder.

Cringing because she flinches.

Rejoicing because she doesn't move away.

"I know you don't want to listen to me, and you have every right to be angry at me. At all of us. But I'm begging you..." She really is.

"Please, just to hear me out."

Faith is stock still for a moment.

Then she lets out a wispy sigh and turns around to face Buffy; no tears and no expression on her face.

The moment has finally arrived.

She wonders if Buffy will truly be honest with her for once.

Buffy wonders the same thing.


	21. Chapter 21

**So, here we go. I'm pretty sure I liked writing this chapter, for some unknown reason. Give me your feedback, I mean it. I know where you live...not really. But do it for the sake of loving these two together, as much of a bitch Buffy can be. (Clearly, I am a huge Faith fan.)  
**

**Enjoy and review. **

* * *

"You're right." She starts softly.

Hands wringing a bit in front of her.

"I did know. I just spent all my energy pretending it wasn't there. That I didn't think about you like that, too. I tried so hard to ignore you and focus everything, all my life, into the things around me." Buffy then looks up desperately into Faith's eyes.

Hands reaching for hers.

"But I swear, Faith, if I could do anything...**anything**, I'd go back and redo that. I know that I should've done everything differently, and I'm so sorry. I didn't...I was just scared." Admitting it, finally.

Feeling better because she did.

"And after...in L.A..." Hesitating a little, knowing that what happened in L.A. caused so much damage.

The fact that **nothing** happened.

Buffy glances up at Faith, who avoids her gaze, pretending it's not affecting her when it is.

"I don't really know what it was, Faith..." She trails off.

"Then I guess we're pretty fucked, cause from what I know, you're the one that kept pushing me away." Faith is brusque. Blunt because she has to be.

Just telling the truth.

Always trying to hang, asking for a heads up if they went out, then running into them later and feeling hurt because she wasn't given an invite.

Suggesting she and Buffy go Slaying together, patrol together, being turned down.

Asking how things were, and being shut out with generic answers.

Then she stopped trying.

Why bother, she'd thought, when she continued to fail?

"I know." Buffy reflects on the situations, cringing inside at each and every case that added onto the scale.

"I was so angry with you, Faith, after you returned, still wary of you and not ready to forgive you. But I couldn't stay angry, and we just kept drawing closer and closer..." Remembering.

The light touches on the dance floor.

The soulful gazes that she hated to tear away from.

The long conversations over the phone.

The nightly patrols.

Then she just stopped. Just quit allowing Faith to take part of her time.

"So what was wrong with that? I thought you **liked** spending time with me." Faith is feeling bitter.

It wasn't fair to her.

She knows it. Buffy knows it.

Even back then, they knew it.

"I did, Faith. I did. And that was the problem. I was afraid because of how much I wanted to spend more and more time with you, and just being with you made me feel-"

"Complete?" Faith finishes, knowing the answer.

Buffy gives a little nod.

"Complete." She affirms quietly.

Faith finally meets Buffy's sorry and tearful eyes.

Still not letting emotion flash across her cold face.

"You hurt me." Her voice is rough.

Scratchy.

Enough emotion in the voice that isn't showing in her body language.

"I know." Buffy whispers in return.

Hurting because she knows she hurt Faith.

So badly.

So deeply.

"Let me fix it. Let me fix what I broke..." Her hand lifts and rests on the spot right above Faith's heart.

_Please._

Says her eyes.

Says the silence that follows her words.

"Alright." The tone is husky.

Shaky, even.

"Okay." Faith repeats herself with a synonym.

In something like a daze.

Wondering if she's doing the right thing.

Feeling that she's doing the right thing.

_But...what if...how...why...but..._

All of the questions squashed by the arms around her waist.

Holding her so tightly, as a testament of a victory.

Love's victory over all else.

All of her doubts truly being kissed away with eager lips.

Eager, soft lips.

Lips that taste a little bit like vanilla and a dash of strawberries.

She's always wondered what they tasted like.

All of her worries being washed away by the heaven-sent rain.

Cleansed by Buffy's salty tears.

Maybe a few drops of her own, too, if she is not too proud to admit it.

All the things she knows she should be concerned about being thrown to the wind, clearly **not** being concerned about.

Questions fleeting through her mind without answer that make sense.

Just answers that are made up of lips and rain and tears.

And a fistful of Buffy's hair as everything gentle turns to passion.

The taste of lips be damned.

Vanilla and strawberries be damned.

Heaven and the rain be damned.

Tears and fears be damned.

Logic be damned.


	22. Chapter 22

**Last chapter, everybody. Thanks for sticking with it, you rascals, you. I added a new one-shot, 'Pride'. Check it out. And I'll be adding another one shot and a story sometime soon, if anybody's interested, so Author Alert me if you want. Don't forget to check out the other BtVS ones I've got already.  
**

**Damn, I feel like an advertising company. Anyways, enjoy and review! It's been a good ride.**

* * *

**4 months later**

"Dawnie! Speedy teleport mail for ya!" Kennedy throws the letter up high, and Dawn catches it on the way down.

She sees the little drawing on the back and grins.

Xander sees it too and a boyish smile brightens his face.

"Stick people will never be outdated, mark my words." He quips.

And though he runs to answer the telephone, she nods in agreement then nestles herself into the couch.

No need to run upstairs and hide the words from others.

The paper is slightly yellowed and holds a mild scent.

Humid, like morning dew on the grass.

Musk, like the heavy atmosphere of a forest.

Smoke, like the cigarettes Faith smokes.

Perfume, like the kind Buffy uses.

She holds it to her nose and breathes in deep and smiles.

It's different, but a part of it smells like home, and home is not just a place, it's the people.

She opens it and begins to read.

* * *

_Dear Dawn,_

_I know she's gonna call you in a few minutes, but you know me, I like doing things the complicated way. I'd rather write a letter than give you a few words that don't mean shit over a plastic encased piece of technology. Cramps on my vintage style, you know?_

(You think everything you do is vintage, she thinks with rolling eyes.)

_So Red's teleported us to some shithole place in the middle of nowhere. Okay, just kidding, apparently I can't say that kind of shit. Gotta respect the dead and whatnot. _

(As if.)

_As if, right? So we're at some Aztec ruins, searching for that new demon god. Terminate it and all the good Slayer stuff. This place gives me the creeps like you wouldn't know, Squirt. Reminds me of my old place in Boston a little bit, what with the cracks and the mold on the walls...Okay. Stopping with the bad thoughts. Sorry. _

_We're just staked out here until it shows up. Buffy's busy talking to Sarah and her beau, cause I told her she wasn't allowed to distract me while I'm writing to you. And I'm not even gonna begin telling you about how she distracts me. Yum._

("Oh gross." Dawn mutters.)

_Tell Willow thanks for bringing Sarah's girl back to her; it's really fucking awesome to see all of us so happy. We do look alike, it's kinda freaky, but I guess we've all seen freakier things. It's a good thing we don't all look exactly alike, else we'd be having some problems foreal. She's fun, we get along tight and we're planning on pulling a few pranks on B and Sarah sometime during this trip. Now __those__ two are really similar. Both stubborn as hell, and always arguing with each other...me and Eliza (Sarah's girl) just sit, share a few smokes, and just watch the show. They're just fucking hilarious to watch. Better than cable. _

_They spend so much time trying to outwit each other, it's great. Me and E are gonna start a pool of money and see who beats who in the smarts department. I think X-man wanted in, too, so we'll get him to chip in later, though I bet it'll get his horny panties in a twist. Even now, they're picking at each other's ideas on how to properly kill the big bad. Oh, and there's E giving me the 'please save me' look._

(Note to self: Give some money to Faith for the wit battle when they return, and stay far away from Xander when it happens.)

_You know, the last letter I wrote to you was a little over 4 months ago. _

(She knows.)

_It was tough then, and it's unbelievable just how much was fixed up since then. Me and Buffy...Sarah and Eliza...moving back to L.A...moving back in with you lot...Everything's changed. I wasn't sure if it was gonna work out, Squirt, I really just didn't know. But I don't have any doubts now. It's a nice feeling, feeling sure about myself and my life, and all this; being with your sister, it was worth all the shit that I had to plow through. It hurt and it was rough and there were more than just a few times when I was planning on topping myself. Just getting it over with and dying. But this, this was worth it. I've never been happier._

(Dawn is certain that Faith deserved it.)

_I love her, Dawn. I never stopped and even if I had to wrestle a thousand more alligators naked to get to her, I would. At the beginning I was cold. Harsh. The old wound wasn't ready to heal just yet, and she'll tell you just how hard it was to get me to sleep in the bed with her. Took about 2 weeks and a hundred thousand of her tears. I didn't ask for the tears, I just needed the time. Sometimes we still fight, I say she's being a selfish snob, and she calls me an irresponsible brat. But I love her. She knows that. And the best part of all is that __she__ loves me, and I know it now._

_I __know__ it. I don't doubt it anymore._

_I don't have to._

(You never **had** to, she thinks.)

_Can't wait to get back there, Bitesize, even if it's been a week, I still miss you. Keep safe, kiddo, I don't know what either of us would do if you got yourself in trouble._

_Sarah and Eliza and your fucking beautiful - and beautifully fuckable - sister says hi._

(Hi back.)

_Always in my heart,_

_Faith_

_P.S. You're still the key to my heart, Squirt, and I swear you're bazillion times more gorgeous than her._

_P.P.S. Don't tell._

(She wont.)

* * *

**END.**

**In case some of you still need some clearing up, the P.S. and P.P.S.; Faith was just joking. Anyways, go click that review button.**


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